Submitted by: strayers via Submission Page When Grandma Evelyn finds out what you‘ve been doing with all those hours she spent teaching you to crochet, she is NOT going to be happy about it.

Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page Jerry’s Russian mail-order bride—finally scheduled to arrive at the train depot tonight—had asked him, “You wheel whet for me on da platforms, yes?” He was just trying to make her happy.

Submitted by: Anonymous via Submission Page What? Teaching third grade doesn’t exactly pay the big bucks, okay? Miss Janie’s got bills to pay

Submitted by: MSMJFANFOREVER via Submission Page Nice try, lady, but you can’t fool me. I fell for that trick once back in ’95, and will never again believe someone when they try to convince me that they have two butts

Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page Does the end game of every fashion trend have to be nudity? What’s next

Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page The dark underbelly of college football. Many players who suffer career-ending head injuries in their first season lose their athletic scholarships and are forced to pay for the remainder of their education through other means

Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page Bobby was horrified to find that he’d taken the “Spring Break” theme much more seriously than anyone else at the party.

Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page Hey, give the lady a break, okay? She’s riding her bike to work today instead of driving.

Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page You have to admire the ingenuity here. I had no idea that you could make an entire business-casual ensemble using a single variety pack of Fruit Roll-Ups

Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page You knew that when your hipster friend Shireee (she insists on the third e) dragged you to some warehouse in a bad neighborhood for an “art opening slash spoken word performance slash flan tasting,” that it was going to be weird, but not THIS weird.